Communication Is Child Specific
One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned as a mom of four daughters is this: every child is wired the same… and completely different.
Yes, all kids need food, sleep, and love. But how they express themselves—and how they want to be communicated with—is uniquely their own.In Episode 3 of The Girl Mom Life Podcast, I share why learning your child’s communication style is essential for building connection, reducing frustration, and guiding them toward resilience.
Why Communication Isn’t One-Size-Fits-All
When my oldest was a toddler, she approached life with precision. Even at mealtimes, she carefully experimented with food in small, tidy ways. My youngest? The exact opposite—she experienced food with all five senses at once.
That contrast carried into their personalities as they grew. My oldest makes orderly lists and checks off boxes. My youngest jots down scattered notes—or just keeps ideas in her head.
Neither way is wrong. It’s simply how God designed them. And understanding those differences has helped me connect with each of them on their terms.
How to Learn Your Child’s Communication Style
When my girls were little, observation was my best tool. I’d notice how they responded to questions, play, or even mealtime routines.
For example:
- My oldest thrived when I asked her lots of questions. For her, it felt like mentally checking off a list.
- My youngest? Too many questions shut her down. Instead, a simple observation like, “I had a sandwich for lunch today,” would spark her into telling me all about her day.
The first step to connection is simply watching and learning how your child engages with the world.ed.
A Simple but Powerful Question
As kids get older, conversation becomes more nuanced. One question that’s been transformational in my parenting is:
👉 “What did you hear me say?”
Why? Because it shifts the focus from what I said to what they understood. And often, their interpretation is very different from my intention.
Instead of arguing or correcting, I’ll respond:
- “Oh, you heard me say [repeat back what they said].”
- Then I’ll clarify: “What I want you to hear me say is [insert the actual message].”
This simple exchange has given me priceless insight into how each child’s brain processes information—and helped me adjust my communication accordingly.
Why This Matters
Understanding your child’s unique communication style helps in two big ways:
1️⃣ It sets realistic expectations. When you know how your child typically responds, you can manage your expectations—and lower your frustration when things don’t go perfectly.
2️⃣ It helps them grow. Meeting your child where they are is the first step to guiding them forward. Just like a map, you need the “You Are Here” marker before you can plan the route ahead.
Ultimately, the goal is raising strong, capable, resilient humans. Communication is one of the first bridges that gets us there.
Grace for the Journey
Mama, remember: communication with your child will evolve. What works when they’re toddlers will look different in the teenage years. Mistakes and misunderstandings will happen—and yes, sometimes there will be tears.
But God’s grace is sufficient. His mercies are new every morning. And each new conversation is another opportunity to connect.
Ready to Go Deeper?
Transparency Note: This blog post was lovingly crafted with support from my AI writing partner—because even coaches need a strategic thinking buddy! All coaching insights and stories are my own.
