Get Curious
When it comes to parenting, sometimes the best way to connect with our daughters isn’t through giving answers—it’s through asking questions.
In Episode 2 of The Girl Mom Life Podcast, I share the second lesson God pressed on my heart after teaching me connection before correction. My natural response was, “Okay, Lord—how do I do that?” His answer was simple: Get curious.
And that single shift has transformed the way I listen, respond, and relate to my girls.
Why Curiosity Builds Connection
When emotions are high or conversations feel tense, our instinct can be to react, lecture, or shut things down. But when we lean into curiosity instead, we invite trust, empathy, and real conversation.
Getting curious doesn’t mean interrogating. It means slowing down enough to see what’s beneath the surface—and it often reveals that what looks like a conflict about behavior is really an opportunity to connect with your child’s heart.
The PDA Method: How to Get Curious
To help me remember to stay curious in the heat of the moment, I created a simple three-step framework: PDA
1. Pause
Motherhood is full of distractions—dinner, sports practices, homework, permission slips, and four different conversations happening at once. The first step is to pause.
Even three seconds of intentional stillness can shift your tone from reactive to receptive. In my own head, I literally say the words, “Get curious.” That’s my code for stopping the chaos in my brain and centering myself.
2. Direct
Once you pause, direct your energy to your child.
That could look like turning your head toward her, facing her body, or even making eye contact in the rearview mirror if you’re driving. The goal is to give her your focus so she feels seen and safe to share.
3. Ask
Then, ask a simple question.
It doesn’t have to be deep or complicated. Sometimes just repeating back what your child said—with a curious tone—opens the door to connection.
Example: If she says, “I want to dye my whole head black,” you can respond, “So you want to dye your whole head black?”
This opens space for her to explain. Maybe it’s not about hair at all—it’s about fitting in, belonging, or identity. By asking instead of reacting, you learn what’s really going on.
Why Tone Matters
Curiosity works only when our tone matches our intention. Asking “What were you thinking?!” isn’t curiosity—it’s criticism in disguise.
That’s why pausing first is so important. It gives your tone time to soften and your words a chance to land with love.
The Takeaway
When you practice Pause, Direct, Ask, you’re not just solving small conflicts—you’re building long-term trust. You’re showing your daughter that her voice matters, her thoughts are safe with you, and her heart is worth knowing.
Mama, when we get curious, we create deeper connection. And connection is the foundation for everything else.
Ready to Go Deeper?
Transparency Note: This blog post was lovingly crafted with support from my AI writing partner—because even coaches need a strategic thinking buddy! All coaching insights and stories are my own.
